Thursday, May 25, 2006
Dear Animal Activists,
The following post will only upset you. You really shouldn't read it. It will cause you great emotional trauma, anyway isn't there an animal testing facility somewhere you should be targeting. Whew, now that the whackos are off planning liberal acts of sabotage, the rest of us may continue.
You know that old game, bigger and better? If not, dont' worry I'll elaborate. There is a game that groups of young people sometimes play where you start with something small and without much value like a paperclip, then you go up to a stranger's home and you say, "We're playing bigger and better, would you trade us this paperclip for something bigger and better?" Then they rummage around their house and find something like an old scarf they don't wear anymore and they give it to you in exchange for you paper clip." Then you go to a new house and you say "We're playing bigger and better, would you trade us this scarf for something bigger and better?" This continues until you're hauling home a ping pong table or a futon. Come to think of it, this game might be a great way to furnish a college apartment.
Anyway, I decided it would be really fun to play this game using strictly live animals. You'd start by going to Wal-Mart and buying a gold fish for around a nickle. Then you'd show up at your first house, "We're playing bigger and better, would you trade us this goldfish for an animal that is bigger and better?" I think it could be a lot of fun, people trading their boring or undesirable pets for a smaller, newer pet. At this point I might trade one or both of my cats for a nice hamster. We decided the one draw back is that if you were the one playing the game, the best you'd probably end up with is a very large cat that pees on things.
*If any of you animal activists are still reading this, you should calm down because a. I've never played this game. b. I don't intend for any of my readers to play this game and c. If anyone were really willing to trade their pets in this game, they probably weren't taking great care of their pets to begin with, maybe they really needed a smaller, easier to care for pet, I'm doing the world a service, in fact, maybe this game could be kind of a mixer game for new peta members all over the world!
