Monday, November 17, 2003
The world has gone crazy, at least, the formerly communist part of the world. Those crazy Russians are at it again. This legitimate news story is reason number 398 why I will never live in Moscow.
Keep in mind the following is directly quoted from a BBC News article, which, if you don't believe me (some of my friends and family members think I occasionally make things up) can be found here.
Moscow considers kissing ban
Moscovites caught kissing in public places could be fined if city authorities pass a new law currently under consideration, according to a Russian newspaper.
The kissing ban could even extend to lawfully wedded spouses, Stolichnaya Vechernyaya Gazeta reported.
Quoting unnamed sources, it said the plan was aimed at raising levels of public morality in the Russian capital.
The newspaper added that "particularly blatant cases could even lead to a spell of temporary detention in jail".
It said that if approved the new regulations would be introduced earlier next year.
Kiss appeal
The newspaper quoted a city education official, Tatyana Maskimova, as saying that travellers in the Moscow underground were in particular indulging in lax behaviour.
"Our children are getting love lessons all day long from what they see around them," Ms Maksimova said.
Human rights campaigner and a leading member of Russia's Democratic Union party, Valeriya Novodvorskaya said she would defy the ban if the new bill is introduced.
"Introducing a ban on kissing is really taking things to the Orwellian level of an anti-sexual league and capital punishment for the offence," Ms Novodvorskaya told Echo Moskvy radio station.
"However, if this is not a joke and the mayor's office is indeed drafting such a resolution, I will from now on spend my days kissing in public places - simply out of principle.
"The moment I see a nice person I know, I will immediately kiss them - even if I don't feel like it. I invite all other Moscovites to do the same," Ms Novodvorskaya added. ###
Those three little pound signs are what we use in the broadcasting biz to indicate that a news story is finished. That way you don't get confused and think you're still reading the above news story.
Anyway, Ms. Novodvorskaya is my new personal hero. Seriously I'd take her name if I thought I could pronounce it. I think I will also start kissing people I know even if I hate them, and heck why stop there, I may start kissing complete strangers just to really stick it to the man.
What does everyone have against kissing anyway. I kiss my husband in public all the time, despite frequent complaints from friends and family members. Man, I've got to think about picking up some new friends and family because the ones I have think I'm a liar with loose lips...hmm, I'll have to give that some thought.
Anyway, the other day I was watching Hollywood Squared, if you think I mistyped the name of this gameshow you obviously haven't watched it anytime recently, see they got rid of Whoopi and changed the name to something hipper, a little less square if you know what I mean.
I don't make a habit out of watching this show, even though I live and breathe for gameshows. It just happens to be on before Survivor so I watch it occasionally. Anyway, in one of the questions they asked what playboy said crossed the line as far as public displays of affection. The answer was, get this, kissing with tongue. What?? That's playboy's standard? It turns out I'm now looser than a playboy bunny. I kiss my husband with tongue all the time in public, and not just in crowds, no, sometimes right in front of my friends and family, sometimes even in their cars, or while we're all eating, or waiting in line for something together.
I'd be hanged in Moscow. I'm thinking someone should send the word to Playboy that they've become just a little to Puritanical for modern society. I mean honestly, now it's lewd to french kiss in public, what's next people?
I would also like to point out that no one on earth, or at least in English speaking countries, can ever again abbreviate public displays of affection without the risk of causing utter confusion.
Ever since personal digital assistants came on the market it's like we can't even use the letters PDA without everyone pulling out their palm pilot. I'd much rather we all pull out a crazy kiss fest when those letters were used. I mean seriously now when your boss asks you about your PDA you don't know whether to kiss him, or jot down notes with your hip little stylus. This makes me sad.
It's kind of like in middle school when if you were "straight" it meant that you were a prude, aka, you'd never kissed anyone, and now if you're "straight" it just means that you're not gay. Seriously, do we need a term for being not gay? It was fun to ridicule kids who had never kissed anyone by calling them straight, now it's not even an insult at all. Now if you asked a twelve year old if they were straight, they'd just say, "yeah, duh," and that would be the end of that.
Sorry if anyone went to a middle school that did not use our bizarre slang terminology.
Have a great Monday everyone, and go kiss someone, anyone, whether you want to or not, kiss a stranger, kiss your boss, kiss your pda, and get a rebellious thrill knowing you're sticking it to those ex-commie bastards.
